Fear and Living

I am part of a recovering from Mormonism support group. It is an interesting bunch of people and sometime it is profound. I am copying and pasting an email "Chad" sent to the group. This one really touched me and made me think.

One thing that I have always felt to be important was to live life deliberately and passionately. I love Thoreau's Walden where he talks about living a deliberate life and not coming to the end of one's life only to discover that one had never truly lived. (Obviously, he said it much more eloquently.)

So when I read this I again had to pause and think - where am I now? Am I living a deliberate life of my own choosing and passion? Happily the answer is yes! I am. I am as happy as I have ever been. I love my little family and my dear friends. I have a job that I love with people that I really enjoy being around. I have a comfortable warm home with good food to eat and comfy clothes to wear. Are there daily frustrations and irritations - certainly - DC traffic alone is enough to make my hair turn grey; but overall this is the life I have chosen and I am happy with my choices.

And now for the bit that inspired my thinking...

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of
love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

While serving my time for Mormonism as a missionary in Germany, I
would often spend a little time each day reading through the Luther
Bible in an attempt to understand the role of Christ and his
mission, not to mention reading the most correct translation of the
New Testament according to Joseph Smith. On one such occasion, I
came across a passage in 2 Timothy where Paul gives encouragement
and hope to the beleaguered Timothy. Paul's words gave me comfort
with a healthy dose of cognitive dissonance.

As I read the words, I saw that fear was not from God, yet as I
examined my missionary experiences, I saw that fear was always
present. The missionary program was fear based. My temple experience
and requirement to keep my temple covenants at all costs was driven
by fear. My experiences with mission authority were fear based. My
personal life, filled with regret and remorse for not doing and
being enough was fear based. Yet as quickly as I discovered that my
life was riddled with fear, my fear caused me to bury it deep down
inside of me again and ignore it as I had always done.

As I made my way out of Mormonism, I saw my old nemesis was always
present. I was afraid to see, I was afraid to investigate, I was
afraid of what my family and friends would do and think, and in some
ways I was afraid of myself.

I have not yet transcended fear in my life, but I do confront it
frequently, removing its power and hold over my mind and heart. For
those who still struggle on their road of discovery and self-
acceptance, distance yourself from the fear which holds you back.
Turn to friends and loved ones for strength and support if possible,
but move forward, removing more and more fear as you go. Once the
source of fear has been removed and the distance grows between you,
fear diminishes and its power lost.

One of my favorite films is Defending Your Life, written and
directed by another of my favorites, Albert Brooks. In this film,
we see the main character Daniel in his sojourn into the afterlife,
wherein he is required to make an accounting of sorts for his life's
experiences and decisions. The thrust of the defense is not based on
good or evil, but on how well he confronted his fears in life.
Failure to prove that he had conquered fear during his life would
require that he return to earth to repeat his earthly experiences
until he mastered his fears and could then be permitted to move on.
Without spoiling the film for those who have not seen it, suffice it
to say that Daniel eventually conquers his fears through love and is
permitted to move on to bigger and better things.

Just as Daniel used the power of love to conquer his fears which
held him back, we too must love ourselves enough to stare our demons
in the face and remove their power over us. There is life after the
fear. There is understanding, self-acceptance and love after the
fear. There will still be trouble, heartache, misery and challenge,
but there will be less fear in our lives giving us more strength to
face whatever life throws our way.

Face the fear.

Thanks Chad for the great thoughts!

WW underoos

I miss superhero underoos. If I could buy some comfy superhero panties for everyday wear, I would be all over that.

Characters I would like to wear: Wonder Woman (4 pairs), She-Ra princess of power (4 pairs), Thundercats, Hello Kitty (3 pairs), He man (4 pairs - he is just cool), maybe Daisy Duke and maybe Scooby Doo or the Gummie Bears (though the last three would definitely be weekend wear - I mean how could you take yourself seriously if you were wearing Scooby Doo panties.

If you want to post a comment, please do mention which characters you would wear?

Knitting lately

I taught G how to knit a little over the weekend and so we made several phone cozies. They are actually quite fantastic. Then yesterday I went to my LYS at lunch and got some cool yarn with some bling - so don't be surprised if you get a sparkley phone cozy for Yule this year.

Wendi's Weekly Question

Something(s) I can't live without:

Books

Philosophy products

sunglasses

crocs/dansko shoes

suits with stretch in them

perhaps I am taking this too literally, i am having trouble thinking of things.

Coffee Swap Questionairre

Here are the questions:
QUESTIONS
1. Whole bean or ground?

Definitely Whole bean - I grind my beans fresh right before I use them.

2. Fully-loaded or decaf?

Both, most of the time I go fully-loaded, but I recently found a decaf that was really good, so I enjoy that in the afternoon sometimes.

3. Regular or flavored?

Regular - I haven't had any flavored coffees that I like yet. But I do like to add spices (nutmeg, cinnamon, ginger, cardamom, cloves and occasionally vanilla) to the finished product. I love the natural flavor of Kona coffee - those Hawains are awesome!

4. How do you drink your coffee?

Generally I make a double shot latte. I have a cool machine called the aerobiepress that makes the most fantastic coffee/espresso. I usually make a double shot with that, add a little raw sugar and whole milk.

Much to my surprise I also really enjoy the Kona coffee black.

5. Favorite coffee ever?

Kona

6. Are you fussy about your coffee or will any old bean do?

I am a bit fussy, but I have noticed that has more to do with freshness than anything. I like to try new beans, but I stick by my old favorites - which incidentally are all from Costco :).

7. Favorite treats to have with your coffee?

A croissant in the morning. Or a piece of dark chocolate in the afternoon. I also really like to eat macadamian nuts while drinking my coffee - though I don't do this often.

8. Anything else about your coffee preferences?

I for one feel that the mug makes a difference in my coffee enjoyment. I have an adorable caldron shaped mug - black with green interior - that I got for halloween and my sister just got me the one from starbucks with all the coffee beans on the outside. Big, cute mugs with comfortable handles and nice shapes are my favorites.

9. Yarn/fiber you love?

I love it all, but am inclined to use the non-itchy stuff. I have been dyeing to try some sort of cashmere for a shawl - but have yet to find a pattern that I want to make my first attempt on (suggestions appreciated).

I use a lot of cotton because it is readily available and useful in my favorite thing to make so far - dishcloths/facecloths.

10. Yarn/fiber you hate?

Acrylic - does this even count as yarn?

11. What's on your needles?

A couple of dishcloths, a bib and a bag.

12. Favorite colors?

In general I love black, but not in cotton because it fades and just looks bad very quickly. I love punches of saturated colors and more muted earth tones.

13. Allergies?

none

14. Anything you really love, really don't like, or just need to get off your chest?

I am so excited for this swap and I can't wait to meet new friends with

Menu Planning Saturday

I know all the good blogging moms of the world do menu plan monday - but that just doesn't give me time to shop. So I am posting my menu today.

Saturday - Salmon with ginger/soy sauce, risotto and salad
Sunday - dinner with in laws
Monday - zesty crock pot chicken, rice, veggies (we'll see what looks good at the store)
Tuesday - Turkey meat loaf, mashed potatoes, veggies (see monday)
Wednesday - Chicken enchiladas w/ corn
Thursday - Spagetti, garlic bread, salad
Friday - Grilled cheese sandwhiches with roasted red pepper and tomato soup
Saturday - Misty's wedding - free dinner with gift :)

Kudos to Wendi for the menu posting ideas and for the monday recipe.

Coffee Swap

I'm in! I was hoping I would get to participate this time around.

This swap is for people who love knitting and coffee - which is certainly me.

For more info go to the blog's page. They are also keeping everyone linked together on ravelry. So much fun.

DC Exchange Q4

Are there any recipes you especially enjoy having in the Fall? Any foods that are seasonal that you especially enjoy?

I love Pumpkins and squash. So this time of year is great for making all kinds of good squash foods. I love the roasted butternut squash soups and the pumpkin pies. And we can't forget the pumpkin spice lattes - yum. Though I must admit mine is much better than Starbucks (unless you like really sweet drinks - then go for theirs).

I also really love the apples. One year an old boss of mine bet me bushels of apples over various patent law questions. It worked out really well for me. I won 5 bushels of hand picked apples from up-state NY. They were the best I have ever had in my life. It was a real challenge to eat them all before they went bad and we had almost nothing else in our fridge for about a month. But they were so yummy!

Anyone else have favorite fall foods?

Crafty Bastards

Today we are going to Crafty Bastards and I am so excited. This is not the cutesy type of arts and crafts show that I go to with my MIL in the climate controlled expo center (though I must admit I love that too). We couldn't ask for better weather for the event 70s - bright and sunny, with a nice light breeze. I just hope the drive into downtown is as pleasant as the day itself.

I am hoping to pick up a cool thing or two. I have a strong dislike of chatchkey - ish things. So anything I get will definitely be useful - maybe a laptop sleeve or cool shirt. I will post any cool purchases (unless they are gifts for folks who read my blog).

Warning!

I am sooo excited! I just got invited to ravelry! I have been waiting forever it seems. So my warning is that this blog may be a bit neglected as I spend some time getting onto ravelry - yay!

DC exchange Q3

Autumn has now officially begun here in the States!! What is your favorite thing about Autumn/Fall? Why?

I love the crisp weather and sleeping with the windows open. I love the turn in the leaves and seeing all the trees in all their beautiful colors. I love the food - the apples, the squash, the home canned harvest goods - it makes me wish all over again that we had a garden.

For me autumn feels like a natural place to do a thorough cleaning and nesting of my house in order to prepare for winter and more time indoors. I love getting things cleaned out of closets, getting out my sweaters and flannel pajamas.

I also love football season. We are redskins fans and we all don our sportswear every Sunday for the games. It is a lot of fun. I wish we lived near college football. I really loved those BYU football games - and we could afford those. Redskins games are just out of our price range.

Must have Tee

My DishCloth swap spoilee, put this tee on her blog as a "must-have" - and I have to say I totally agree! Isn't this the coolest knitting shirt ever!

http://www.jinx.com/women/shirts/geek/yarrrn.html

Coupling

Claire told me all about "Coupling" a British sit-com. It is a cross between Friends, Seinfeld and Sex and the City.

It is like Friends in that it is about 3 men and 3 women all single living in London and regularly meeting at the local pub to chat about life, etc. It is like Sex and the City because the show revolves around one couple and both of their best friends and both of their ex-es, so the show talkes mainly about their love and sex lives - definitely more edgey than American sitcoms. But the best part is that it is also like Seinfeld in that they use unusual ways of presenting a story of interconnectedness that is really funny. One of my favorite things they do is show one night from several different perspectives that build on top of one another.

So imagine my disappointment when it ended so strangely after 4 seasons. Arghh - please come back.

Oh, I forgot to mention the best part - I watched all of this on Netflix's Watch it now feature - Fantastic. Any other coupling fans out there?

DC exchange question #2

When you knit or crochet dishclothes, washclothes or face clothes, what do you use? What size needle or hook? Wood? what type? Metal? Plastic? A specific Brand? Why do you love that needle or hook so much? Is there one you are dying to try? Is there a particular yarn you love and use all the time for clothes? What is so special about it?

I usually use my metal needles #5 by Boye. They are purple which originally I thought was good - not necessarily purple per se, but just that they are a nice bright color. I like that the yarn slides pretty well on the aluminum metal. I don't like the tips - which have lost the paint coating slowly and the transition between the silver on the tips and the purple of the rest of the needle has become quite rough. This has been disappointing. So I am actually looking for a new set of metal needles that won't lose their slickness/paint. I do like the size 5. It makes for a nice tight dishcloth. And I usually like to do an oatmeal color trim with a bright color in the wash cloth. I like my cloths colorful. I almost always use peaches and cream and/or sugar and cream cotton. I like it, it is cheap and it comes in so many colors.

Can we really be altruistic?

Sometimes I think there is no such thing as altruism. Doing some small good for someone else makes me feel just as good if not better.

Lately, I have felt this strong affinity to help out a young unwed mother, whose family (except her mom) are trying to make her give the baby up for adoption.

A good friend asked me why I felt so strongly about this person and this cause in particular. I can't really think of any one super strong reason, though I have several smaller reasons.

For one, I feel that every child deserves to be celebrated and cherished and every mother - especially new mothers deserve to be honored. And I definitely was the lucky recipient of much love and celebration during my pregnancy and after my daughter's birth.

Another is that I was raised in a church that preached very strongly in favor of adoption when a mother is unwed. While I think that is an option that should certainly be open to a woman - I don't think it is something that should be pushed on people - EVER!! There is just too much at stake to let someone else make that decision for you or even influence you in it. Ideally a woman in this situation will have a good sounding board and people who will be straight with her about the consequences of her choices. Each of us has to live with our decisions, so I think we should take full ownership of them for better or worse. Sorry for the soapbox - I was fed the "free agency" thing while being told what to choose for a little too long and now it makes me angry to see that happening to others.

Perhaps the most compelling reason for me right now, is that I feel like my small contribution towards this young mother and child will actually make a big difference in their lives. And how often do we (and by we I mean human beings) get the opportunity to make a concrete difference in someone's life - especially at such a special life meridian. I really feel like I am the lucky one to find someone truly in need so that I can repay a little of the human kindness shown to me in so many ways big and small.

Cool soap site

Ok, I will admit that I have had a few less than favorable run-ins with handmade soap. While I think it is an awfully nice sentiment, I like the creaminess of a bar of dove soap. So this was the one requirement for the dish cloth swap that I wasn't really excited about. It's hard to get excited about giving something you would just as soon not get yourself - KWIM?.

But, I just found the coolest soap site with all kinds of soaps that I am actually excited to give (and to try myself). My spoilee doesn't like lavender or vanilla scents, but there are lots of other good options on here. I think I may go with the green tea soap for her and I may try the lavender or jasmine for me - we shall see. I may get a bar for my mom's bday too - she is one who actually does appreciate handmade soaps.

Bomb Week at Work

This past week the building that I work in had bomb threats MTW and so we have been on lock down and higher security. It was quite crazy. Luckily no one was actually hurt, the bomber did not actually bomb the building and I was able to work from home for several afternoons.

One of the days when we were evacuated, my car was stuck in the garage below the building. I took Ryan's car home and he took the train. The next morning I took the train in and used the opportunity to start on the dish cloth for my secret pal. I am pretty sure she will really like it because it is going to have one of her favorite colors. I can't give any more details because I have not done a very good job of keeping myself anonymous and she could easily find her way to my blog.

Dish Cloth exchange - week 1 question

Now that in some geographic locations the weather is starting to turn cooler, do you change the type of yarn(s) you knit/crochet with? If so, what do you now knit/crochet with instead and why? If not, why do you not switch and what do you knit/crochet with?

As a new knitter, this is my first cooler weather change. I am considering trying to make something wearable - like a sweater, but I think I should have started a bit earlier in the year if I hope to be wearing it by the end of the winter. So instead, I am busy working on some gifts for various people right now. I am also getting really excited about the Charmed Knits book that is coming my way from zooba v. soon.

The changing of seasons is inspiring me to change out my color pallette a little bit. I think I may go to work on some halloween colored discloths for myself. I just have my doubts on how black cotton will look after a few uses.

Dish Cloth Swap Questionnaire

1. Do you knit or crochet? How long have you been doing it?

I have been crocheting on and off since I was about 10 years old, my grandma kay taught me one Christmas and I have been hooked ever since.
Recently (within the last year) I picked up knitting and I love it! I am self-taught, though to be fair to my grandma miller - she taught me one Christmas when I was a teenager, so it was probably easier to reteach myself with Internet tutorials after her kind tutelage.

2. Have you made dischloths before? Do you use them yourself, give them as gifts, or both?

I love dishcloths! I have made several for myself and I have given several away as gifts too. I have been pleasantly surprised at how well received they are.

3. What's your favorite cotton to make cloths from? What cotton would you like to try that you haven't before ?

I love the peaches and cream; sugar and cream is nice too. I would actually really like to try a cotton/linen blend for a cloth or seven.

4. If you knit, do you prefer circular or straight needles? For all, do you prefer wooden, metal, or plastic needles?

I prefer straight needles and I appreciate all types. I am a newbie knitter so I have only tried metal and bamboo.

5. What are your favorite colors? Any colors you don't like much?

I love color. I haven't seen a color yet that doesn't work well as a dishcloth.

6. What do you like best about Autumn?

I love the crisp smell in the air, the fresh apples (and going apple picking), I love the baking and I love wearing sweaters and corduroy again.

7. Pies: Pumpkin? Apple? Pecan? All of em? or No Thanks!

I will take a small bite of each - Pecan then Pumpkin then apple (if I still have room).

8. When you were a kid, were you the one who couldn't wait to get started with school , or the one who overslept on the 1st day?

I was the one who couldn't wait. I am a morning person with a strong aversion to being late, oversleeping is an extremely rare event for me.

9. Do you celebrate Halloween? (The real key here guys is especially knowing if you have an aversion to the holiday or little goodies/decorations associated with it, given the time-frame of the swap)

I love Halloween. I think it is actually my favorite holiday. I already have my daughter's Halloween costume for the year and every year I dress up as a witch to pass out candy out of my black Calderon. It is such fun.

10. If you had to choose just 3 edible 'goodies' to eat for a full year, what 3 would you choose?

Dark Chocolate; Kona Coffee and super dark chocolate!

11. Do you have any pets? Kids? Husbands who seem like kids? ;)

I have a daughter - 2 yo and a husband. No pets - though I really want a fish :)

12. If you were to describe a particular yarn that shares traits of your personality, what would it be and why?

I think Linen is a good yarn to describe me. I can be a little rough around the edges, but quite soft after a few washings :).

13. Do you use your cloths mostly for dishcloths, or as facecloths?

I use them mostly as dishcloths, though my daughter likes to take one to her bath (along with some plastic dishes to clean while she is in there).

14. Favorite Fall Holiday: Halloween or Thanksgiving and why? (Feel free to share another fall memory if you do not celebrate either of these holidays)
I love both fall holidays. But if I were to choose I would say Halloween. I love dressing up and I love giving candy to little kids and having an excuse to dress my child up and I love decorating my house with pumpkins and black accents everywhere. I love Halloween parties and spooky treats and spooky drinks.

15. Do you have any allergies or aversions your pal should know about?

I don't really like smelly things (heavily perfumed) they tend to give me a headache. I prefer clean/light scents.

Coolest Sweater Ever!!

I found the coolest sweater I have ever seen and I wish I had the skills to make it. If you go to Practical Polly's blog, she has several really good pics of it. I hope she decides to publish the pattern because even though I am sure it would take me awhile to figure out, it would be well worth the effort for this beauty. Knitting is so cool!

In the meantime, I shall continue to knit dishcloths, because dishcloths are really cool and really useful. Perhaps I'll take a picture of all of my beautiful dishcloths someday soon.