Sunday, March 16, 2008
Vaca and Bikram
I must say it has been wonderful to have the week off. Ryan's sister's and their families were in town for the week, so we spent a lot of time with them and Audrey got to play with her cousins - which she loved.
I got to do some Bikram - which I loved. I did not get to do the much anticipated mini-challenge due to scheduling conflicts, but I did get to go a few more times than normal and during the middle of the day rather than either early morning or late night, so that felt really good. In fact, I made some progress in the triangle posture.
Let me give some back ground info. Jim - my usual teacher - is very concerned that you do postures the right way rather than doing them all the way. As he always says, "10% of the posture 100% correct will give you the full benefit of the posture." So in triangle, Jim really emphasizes getting low and opening up your hips rather than touching your fingers to the floor. So for the last couple of months I have been just working on getting a deeper and lower stretch. Then on Monday and Wednesday I had Paul as my teacher. He watched me do the triangle the first time and then said, "Ok people, I know Jimini has you all scared to reach while in triangle, but if your leg is parallel to the floor you should be able to touch the floor in proper form." Which he then demonstrated. Let me just say that Paul's demonstrations are amazing!
Clearly he was talking to me, because my leg is parallel, so I tried it, but I didn't try it too far, because I was still afraid of doing the posture incorrectly. However, last night, when I had Jim as my teacher again, I figured I would try and touch the floor, because if I really was doing it wrong he would definitely tell me. And voila, I touched the floor and sure enough, it was a piece of cake because I was definitely low enough! Yay!! I was so excited I nearly lost my balance and fell over. "Act cool" I kept saying to myself. As soon as I got out of class I called William and left a very excited message on her machine.
Oh and also, after class on Wednesday, Paul said I had a really great practice!
I got to do some Bikram - which I loved. I did not get to do the much anticipated mini-challenge due to scheduling conflicts, but I did get to go a few more times than normal and during the middle of the day rather than either early morning or late night, so that felt really good. In fact, I made some progress in the triangle posture.
Let me give some back ground info. Jim - my usual teacher - is very concerned that you do postures the right way rather than doing them all the way. As he always says, "10% of the posture 100% correct will give you the full benefit of the posture." So in triangle, Jim really emphasizes getting low and opening up your hips rather than touching your fingers to the floor. So for the last couple of months I have been just working on getting a deeper and lower stretch. Then on Monday and Wednesday I had Paul as my teacher. He watched me do the triangle the first time and then said, "Ok people, I know Jimini has you all scared to reach while in triangle, but if your leg is parallel to the floor you should be able to touch the floor in proper form." Which he then demonstrated. Let me just say that Paul's demonstrations are amazing!
Clearly he was talking to me, because my leg is parallel, so I tried it, but I didn't try it too far, because I was still afraid of doing the posture incorrectly. However, last night, when I had Jim as my teacher again, I figured I would try and touch the floor, because if I really was doing it wrong he would definitely tell me. And voila, I touched the floor and sure enough, it was a piece of cake because I was definitely low enough! Yay!! I was so excited I nearly lost my balance and fell over. "Act cool" I kept saying to myself. As soon as I got out of class I called William and left a very excited message on her machine.
Oh and also, after class on Wednesday, Paul said I had a really great practice!
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Catch-Up
Life is good here in the DMV (DC, MD and VA). Work is keeping me busy and I am still enjoying my job - which is good since Ryan has quit his job and is going to start being the Stay-At-Home-Dad at least until he starts law school in the fall. Which is of course big news in and of itself, Ryan got into George Mason Law School - the evening program. We are thrilled - this means other than Ryan getting to actually move forward toward his career goals, there aren't going to be any huge disruptive changes (like moving, changing jobs, etc.) for our family.
Also, Genny, my sis, is still living with us and going to watch Audrey for a few hours each week in return for room and board.
A friend of mine started a ladies book club and that has been so much fun! Our first book was "A Thousand Splendid Suns", our second book was "Eat Pray Love" and our next book is "Absurdistan". At the last book club I tried a pomegranate martini for the first time. I really liked it, it wasn't at all sweet and fruity - which I don't really like - it was just good. I better ask Susie what type of pomegranate juice she used so I can make it some other time for myself.
Here is the recipe:
1 part pomegranate juice (I will post when I know what kind)
2 parts good vodka
Shake with ice, then pour into glasses and add a splash of club soda.
Last weekend, we went and visited my Aunt and her family including kids in North Carolina. The trip was interesting, Audrey picked up some unfortunate behaviors from the slightly older girls - like answering her mama with "No! Never!" so she is getting into lots of trouble these days. Plus she is sick from being with other kids who were sick - blast. She had a great time at the children's museum near Duke University. It was really neat - they had an amazing butterfly room.
In other news, I am doing another mini-Bikram challenge next week. I am taking next week off because my family-in-law is in town. While there will be lots of fun family time, I am also going to try to make it to yoga everyday, because it just feels amazing to get to go that often.
The next week I am going to Newport, Rhode Island for work. It's a quaint town, that would be especially nice to visit in the summer... Unfortunately there are no nearby Bikram studios, so I won't be able to go while on travel (somehow William manages to travel to places with Bikram, I don't).
Also, Genny, my sis, is still living with us and going to watch Audrey for a few hours each week in return for room and board.
A friend of mine started a ladies book club and that has been so much fun! Our first book was "A Thousand Splendid Suns", our second book was "Eat Pray Love" and our next book is "Absurdistan". At the last book club I tried a pomegranate martini for the first time. I really liked it, it wasn't at all sweet and fruity - which I don't really like - it was just good. I better ask Susie what type of pomegranate juice she used so I can make it some other time for myself.
Here is the recipe:
1 part pomegranate juice (I will post when I know what kind)
2 parts good vodka
Shake with ice, then pour into glasses and add a splash of club soda.
Last weekend, we went and visited my Aunt and her family including kids in North Carolina. The trip was interesting, Audrey picked up some unfortunate behaviors from the slightly older girls - like answering her mama with "No! Never!" so she is getting into lots of trouble these days. Plus she is sick from being with other kids who were sick - blast. She had a great time at the children's museum near Duke University. It was really neat - they had an amazing butterfly room.
In other news, I am doing another mini-Bikram challenge next week. I am taking next week off because my family-in-law is in town. While there will be lots of fun family time, I am also going to try to make it to yoga everyday, because it just feels amazing to get to go that often.
The next week I am going to Newport, Rhode Island for work. It's a quaint town, that would be especially nice to visit in the summer... Unfortunately there are no nearby Bikram studios, so I won't be able to go while on travel (somehow William manages to travel to places with Bikram, I don't).
Saturday, February 02, 2008
New Teach
Last night was the first time I have been to Bikram since last weekend - on account of getting sick earlier in the week. I was a little trepidatious because I hadn't been in almost a week, but I figured it was going to be Jim teaching so it wouldn't be so bad.
Usually I go to the Friday 6 pm yoga because that is the class that Paul teaches. Paul is a really good teacher - but he is also really hard. He holds the poses longer than Jim and he is just hard-core. So hard-core that he is gone to compete in the championships this weekend. Paul is great at explaining the postures and answering questions - so I almost always ask him all of my "fine-tuning" questions.
Jim is an old man and one of Bikram's senior teachers. He is an ex-army Ranger so he plays up the gruff, tough guy act; BUT he is actually an extremely gentle teacher. He is very hands on. He will come over and physically move you into the correct position if you are doing it wrong. He also knows how to modify any posture to any level. In short he is a phenomenal teacher. And I feel so fortunate to practice under him so often. (After going to so many classes with Jim, William now ignores her teachers in Minneapolis, because she "knows" the point of postures.)
So my current mix of 3 Jim classes and 1 Paul class each week has been really good. Now however, with Paul at the competition and on vaca after that for a few weeks, there is a new lady teacher at my Friday night class. She was tough. She held all of the postures longer - with very little space between the postures and sets, our class was still 105 minutes rather than 90. She gave some good tips on postures that often get over looked - like the sit-up. She also corrected me on my back bend at the beginning - she said I was doing very well, but need to put the weight into my heels. (I still can not quite wrap my head around the idea of bending backwards as far as you can *and* simultaneously leaning backwards onto your heals - I think I might ask Jim to spot me on that this evening.)
I was pleasantly surprised that after nearly a week off, my body was able to go deeper into almost every posture - which felt fantastic. But, holding each posture longer... I am so sore today.
Usually I go to the Friday 6 pm yoga because that is the class that Paul teaches. Paul is a really good teacher - but he is also really hard. He holds the poses longer than Jim and he is just hard-core. So hard-core that he is gone to compete in the championships this weekend. Paul is great at explaining the postures and answering questions - so I almost always ask him all of my "fine-tuning" questions.
Jim is an old man and one of Bikram's senior teachers. He is an ex-army Ranger so he plays up the gruff, tough guy act; BUT he is actually an extremely gentle teacher. He is very hands on. He will come over and physically move you into the correct position if you are doing it wrong. He also knows how to modify any posture to any level. In short he is a phenomenal teacher. And I feel so fortunate to practice under him so often. (After going to so many classes with Jim, William now ignores her teachers in Minneapolis, because she "knows" the point of postures.)
So my current mix of 3 Jim classes and 1 Paul class each week has been really good. Now however, with Paul at the competition and on vaca after that for a few weeks, there is a new lady teacher at my Friday night class. She was tough. She held all of the postures longer - with very little space between the postures and sets, our class was still 105 minutes rather than 90. She gave some good tips on postures that often get over looked - like the sit-up. She also corrected me on my back bend at the beginning - she said I was doing very well, but need to put the weight into my heels. (I still can not quite wrap my head around the idea of bending backwards as far as you can *and* simultaneously leaning backwards onto your heals - I think I might ask Jim to spot me on that this evening.)
I was pleasantly surprised that after nearly a week off, my body was able to go deeper into almost every posture - which felt fantastic. But, holding each posture longer... I am so sore today.
Friday, February 01, 2008
Recent projects
I haven't written in far too long, but I have been knitting even if I haven't been blogging about it.
I recently started making the "dishcloth reloaded" from the Mason Dixon Knitting book. It is this fabulous hexagon shape and it goes pretty quickly. Plus I love making something both functional and fun. I will post pics once I download them from my "new to me" camera.
Are there any knitters out there with other unusually shaped patterns for dishcloths that they enjoy?
I recently started making the "dishcloth reloaded" from the Mason Dixon Knitting book. It is this fabulous hexagon shape and it goes pretty quickly. Plus I love making something both functional and fun. I will post pics once I download them from my "new to me" camera.
Are there any knitters out there with other unusually shaped patterns for dishcloths that they enjoy?
Bikram Babes
While William was here over Christmas, she and I went to yoga everyday. And now I am hooked! I go 3-4 times a week. To fit it in, I go every Friday, Saturday and Sunday and then I try to go in the evening of the day that I work from home - usually Wednesday or Tuesday. I wish I could go everyday, but I am thrilled to be able to go as often as I do.
For the first time (perhaps in my life) I actually have an exercise routine that I *love*. If I could go everyday I would - but it is 90 minutes long and it is 20-30 minutes from my house - so it is more of a time commitment than I have on a daily basis.
For the first time (perhaps in my life) I actually have an exercise routine that I *love*. If I could go everyday I would - but it is 90 minutes long and it is 20-30 minutes from my house - so it is more of a time commitment than I have on a daily basis.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Bikram mini-challenge
My sister William is coming to town and while she is here, we are going to do a mini-Bikram challenge.
I figured there are very few times where I will have a willing partner to go with me everyday, a babysitter and the time off to actually go to yoga everyday. So over Christmas break we are hoping to go everyday that they are open.
I am hoping to just jump start my fitness routine for the new year - which I am hoping will include Bikram every weekend.
The problem I have now is I go so sporadically that it always feels like I am starting over.
I figured there are very few times where I will have a willing partner to go with me everyday, a babysitter and the time off to actually go to yoga everyday. So over Christmas break we are hoping to go everyday that they are open.
I am hoping to just jump start my fitness routine for the new year - which I am hoping will include Bikram every weekend.
The problem I have now is I go so sporadically that it always feels like I am starting over.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Mom's bag
Since my mom knows that I am working on a bag for her, I figured it is okay to talk about it.
To be honest, this has been a fantastic learning tool for me, so I feel a little bad giving my mom my practice bag.
I learned how to use dpns (double pointed needles) and how to knit on circular needles too. I also learned how to weave a new ball of yarn onto an existing one without a knot. I have learned yarn overs and knit two together, basically it is a very loose lace pattern.
The idea was to knit a green "green bag" ie a reusable grocery bag for my mom. Here is a picture of the progress to date.
To be honest, this has been a fantastic learning tool for me, so I feel a little bad giving my mom my practice bag.
I learned how to use dpns (double pointed needles) and how to knit on circular needles too. I also learned how to weave a new ball of yarn onto an existing one without a knot. I have learned yarn overs and knit two together, basically it is a very loose lace pattern.
The idea was to knit a green "green bag" ie a reusable grocery bag for my mom. Here is a picture of the progress to date.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Music
Recently we went to put on some Christmas music on my ipod only to discover that my 2nd generation ipod is now officially dead!
Which is okay because lets face it they have come a long way since then and I want to be able to watch shows on it on travel too. So onto the wish list it goes.
To be honest though, an ipod is not nearly the necessity it was several years ago (when I took the metro to work) and it has been months since I last used mine, so I should perhaps make it a low priority acquisition.
One of the reasons for this is my discovery of Pandora.com which is really the coolest thing ever. It is free and it reads your mind and plays music you love and introduces you to new music that you also love. You get to create your own commercial free radio stations with it. So far I have a holiday one - awesome mixes of sinatra and dave matthews; a justin timberlake one - dance on; an r&b one - for my inner soul sista; and a vivaldi - violins and love.
Tell me what radio stations you have if you use pandora.
Which is okay because lets face it they have come a long way since then and I want to be able to watch shows on it on travel too. So onto the wish list it goes.
To be honest though, an ipod is not nearly the necessity it was several years ago (when I took the metro to work) and it has been months since I last used mine, so I should perhaps make it a low priority acquisition.
One of the reasons for this is my discovery of Pandora.com which is really the coolest thing ever. It is free and it reads your mind and plays music you love and introduces you to new music that you also love. You get to create your own commercial free radio stations with it. So far I have a holiday one - awesome mixes of sinatra and dave matthews; a justin timberlake one - dance on; an r&b one - for my inner soul sista; and a vivaldi - violins and love.
Tell me what radio stations you have if you use pandora.
Weavette Looms
My grandma Foster has a blanket made out of these little woven squares that is awesome. She even lent me her original Weave-It loom at one point so I could make one too. But I was in college and didn't really have the time to devote to it. Plus, hers was a nice wool blanket and the yarn that I saw at that point in my life was all acrylic - which didn't seem worth the effort.
So imagine my delight when I discovered that someone (BuxtonBrook.com) has started making these delightful little looms again. The only problem is - they have been sold out for a very long time. I am even tempted to get a rectangle (2x4 or 2x6) one to make bookmarks since that is the only kind they have in stock - plus a blanket with a subway tiles look might be pretty snazzy. But what I really want is the square one.
So for any of you thrift shop/garage sales goers - if you happen to see a weave-it loom for sale - please think of me. :)
Xmas shopping complete
You read that right - I am done shopping for presents and even stocking stuffers. Yippee!
The funny thing is that I really enjoy Christmas shopping, but I don't like shopping during the rush - feeling pressure to find the "perfect" thing, waiting in miserable lines and fighting for a parking spot - I will pass on all of that.
Unfortunately I am not finished making Xmas presents - so I spend my extra hours knitting furiously in an attempt to get things done in time. Luckily, that part involves a nice cup of tea and a cookie rather than the other frantics mentioned above.
Oh also, a shout out to Genny - who wrapped all the presents (even hers)! They are now pretty under the tree.
The funny thing is that I really enjoy Christmas shopping, but I don't like shopping during the rush - feeling pressure to find the "perfect" thing, waiting in miserable lines and fighting for a parking spot - I will pass on all of that.
Unfortunately I am not finished making Xmas presents - so I spend my extra hours knitting furiously in an attempt to get things done in time. Luckily, that part involves a nice cup of tea and a cookie rather than the other frantics mentioned above.
Oh also, a shout out to Genny - who wrapped all the presents (even hers)! They are now pretty under the tree.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Blackberry sadness
What?! I ask - is the good of having a sister with a fancy new blackberry, if she doesn't write during meetings (and other inappropriate times) with funny little quips throughout the day?!
I am so sad.
William - if you are reading this - I expect one liner emails daily from your fancy new blackberry - please :)
I am so sad.
William - if you are reading this - I expect one liner emails daily from your fancy new blackberry - please :)
Monday, November 26, 2007
Holiday cookie swap
I love cookies! There is nothing better than a soft gooey warm out of the oven KA cookie with a tall glass of cold milk. So I am trying to organize a cookie swap with my coworkers. I am trying to decide what type of cookie I am going to make. So far my thoughts are: KA chocolate chip cookies (kick-ass is the name William's coworkers gave these delicious favorites), molasses spice crinkles, snickerdoodles, lime meltaways, sugar cookies or russian tea cakes. If you leave a comment, please include your favorite cookies.
And here is the famous Kick-Ass Cookie recipe:
2 c. butter
2 c. b. sugar
2 c. sugar
4 eggs
2 t. vanilla
4 c. flour
1 t. salt
2 1/2 t. powder
2 t. soda
5 c. oats
24 oz choco chips
handful of cocont (about 1 cup or so)
sometimes nuts
cream the top group. mix the middle group - then add to the butter mixture. add the oats and coconut. then the chocolate chips and nuts (if desired).
bake at 375 for 6-8 minutes on an ungreased cookie sheet.
the thing about these cookies is the coconut makes them amazingly moist, but they don't keep well unless you freeze them (frozen they last a very long time). a full batch makes so many cookies you could almost eat your body weight in cookies (okay maybe that's just me). also, use the real stuff (butter, vanilla, chocolate, etc) if you want amazing cookies!
Added on 11/27/2007: this link is awesome - it has hundreds of cookies at your fingertips.
And here is the famous Kick-Ass Cookie recipe:
2 c. butter
2 c. b. sugar
2 c. sugar
4 eggs
2 t. vanilla
4 c. flour
1 t. salt
2 1/2 t. powder
2 t. soda
5 c. oats
24 oz choco chips
handful of cocont (about 1 cup or so)
sometimes nuts
cream the top group. mix the middle group - then add to the butter mixture. add the oats and coconut. then the chocolate chips and nuts (if desired).
bake at 375 for 6-8 minutes on an ungreased cookie sheet.
the thing about these cookies is the coconut makes them amazingly moist, but they don't keep well unless you freeze them (frozen they last a very long time). a full batch makes so many cookies you could almost eat your body weight in cookies (okay maybe that's just me). also, use the real stuff (butter, vanilla, chocolate, etc) if you want amazing cookies!
Added on 11/27/2007: this link is awesome - it has hundreds of cookies at your fingertips.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Spoiled!! Coffee Swap
This post is also long overdue. My coffeeswap partner Lindy sent me two terriffic packages.The first one was straight from a yarn store. She sent this yummy cashmerino (100% merino wool yarn that is soft like cashmere) lace weight yarn in charcoal grey - love love love. Along with 3 lace patterns and a cute stitch marker (this is my first stitch marker - thank you). This was such a thoughtful treat. I mentioned that I wanted to try some lace, but didn't know where to start, so she took all the guess work out of it. I am so excited to start on this - after the holidays. I am planning on doing the middle shawl :).
Then she sent a separate package with goodies from Australia - coffee, plastic knitting needles (I think these will be Audrey's first real pair of needles when she is old enough to learn), dark chocolate - yum, a cute stuffed Koala, three kids Koala books and a cute Koala ornament. It has been fun learning about Koala - now we will have to check our zoo.Thank you so much Lindy!!
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Boots
I am here in Iowa and so when we passed a western store right down the road from some relatives, I took the opportunity to go back and get some boots that I have had my eye on for a while now. They are so cute. What do you think - will they work with a suit?
Friday, November 16, 2007
On the needles
A scarf (my first ever) in this yummy alpaca yarn that I got at The Point in NYC. It is a "ribbed for her pleasure" scarf (pattern from the Stitch n Bitch Nation book that is way past due from my local library). I made the ribbing a little wider than it suggested and I wish everyone could feel how soft this is.
This is Ryan's xmas present - even if he did pick out the yarn.
Spoiled!!
This post has been a long time in coming - owing to a camera without a recharging battery. My spoiler for the DC swap sent me an awesome package!!
She sent me 3! dishcloths all halloween themed - wow. Then she sent some cotlin yarn, which i have been wanting to try forever and she sent 2 sets of needles - some fantastic short bamboo ones and some vintage ones. She also sent a pattern of the ball band dishcloth - which is one of my favorites. As if all that wasn't enough - she sent some fantastic smelling soap, a witchy notepad and some treats - swedish fish and coffee - yum! Thank you Val!
On a side note, i posted earlier that I didn't like handmade soaps - well I have since changed my mind. After shopping for some soap for my partner and getting this great soap from Val, I have changed all of my bathroom soaps to handmade fancy soaps.
Saturday, November 03, 2007
BTW
I don't think i look anything like my avatar - especially in the slimness.
Oh well, one can pretend :)
Oh well, one can pretend :)
Rolling with the punches
Sometimes I think I try too hard. It really means something to me to have the people around me like me (i know i know - it "shouldn't" matter what others think of me, but the truth is sometimes it does). So the other day at work - one of my younger coworkers gave me a hard time about something - in a way that i thought was kind of rude. Ok, it just plain hurt my feelings. So later on (still smarting from his rudeness), I reacted poorly to a normal question by the same person in a public setting. I basically refused to answer. It was a snotty jr high sort of thing to do and as soon as "wouldn't you like to know" came out of my mouth, i wondered why it did (though it is better than what i wanted to say which was "not telling" - so i at least have to give myself credit for that -right?).
I think it all boils back to the wanting to be liked. Which is of course the opposite of what my response brought about. It was just weird - at least for me. I am sure this collegue has not thought about my answer since, except to think that maybe i was a bit snotty. He probably didn't even think he was rude in the first place - i mean he said just kidding - so of course, it couldn't have hurt my feelings. sometimes it feels vulnerable to want to be liked.
and as a tangent - why in the world do people think that saying "just kidding" makes it okay to say rude things? (a very piratey arghh!)
I think it all boils back to the wanting to be liked. Which is of course the opposite of what my response brought about. It was just weird - at least for me. I am sure this collegue has not thought about my answer since, except to think that maybe i was a bit snotty. He probably didn't even think he was rude in the first place - i mean he said just kidding - so of course, it couldn't have hurt my feelings. sometimes it feels vulnerable to want to be liked.
and as a tangent - why in the world do people think that saying "just kidding" makes it okay to say rude things? (a very piratey arghh!)
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Fear and Living
I am part of a recovering from Mormonism support group. It is an interesting bunch of people and sometime it is profound. I am copying and pasting an email "Chad" sent to the group. This one really touched me and made me think.
One thing that I have always felt to be important was to live life deliberately and passionately. I love Thoreau's Walden where he talks about living a deliberate life and not coming to the end of one's life only to discover that one had never truly lived. (Obviously, he said it much more eloquently.)
So when I read this I again had to pause and think - where am I now? Am I living a deliberate life of my own choosing and passion? Happily the answer is yes! I am. I am as happy as I have ever been. I love my little family and my dear friends. I have a job that I love with people that I really enjoy being around. I have a comfortable warm home with good food to eat and comfy clothes to wear. Are there daily frustrations and irritations - certainly - DC traffic alone is enough to make my hair turn grey; but overall this is the life I have chosen and I am happy with my choices.
And now for the bit that inspired my thinking...
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of
love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7
While serving my time for Mormonism as a missionary in Germany, I
would often spend a little time each day reading through the Luther
Bible in an attempt to understand the role of Christ and his
mission, not to mention reading the most correct translation of the
New Testament according to Joseph Smith. On one such occasion, I
came across a passage in 2 Timothy where Paul gives encouragement
and hope to the beleaguered Timothy. Paul's words gave me comfort
with a healthy dose of cognitive dissonance.
As I read the words, I saw that fear was not from God, yet as I
examined my missionary experiences, I saw that fear was always
present. The missionary program was fear based. My temple experience
and requirement to keep my temple covenants at all costs was driven
by fear. My experiences with mission authority were fear based. My
personal life, filled with regret and remorse for not doing and
being enough was fear based. Yet as quickly as I discovered that my
life was riddled with fear, my fear caused me to bury it deep down
inside of me again and ignore it as I had always done.
As I made my way out of Mormonism, I saw my old nemesis was always
present. I was afraid to see, I was afraid to investigate, I was
afraid of what my family and friends would do and think, and in some
ways I was afraid of myself.
I have not yet transcended fear in my life, but I do confront it
frequently, removing its power and hold over my mind and heart. For
those who still struggle on their road of discovery and self-
acceptance, distance yourself from the fear which holds you back.
Turn to friends and loved ones for strength and support if possible,
but move forward, removing more and more fear as you go. Once the
source of fear has been removed and the distance grows between you,
fear diminishes and its power lost.
One of my favorite films is Defending Your Life, written and
directed by another of my favorites, Albert Brooks. In this film,
we see the main character Daniel in his sojourn into the afterlife,
wherein he is required to make an accounting of sorts for his life's
experiences and decisions. The thrust of the defense is not based on
good or evil, but on how well he confronted his fears in life.
Failure to prove that he had conquered fear during his life would
require that he return to earth to repeat his earthly experiences
until he mastered his fears and could then be permitted to move on.
Without spoiling the film for those who have not seen it, suffice it
to say that Daniel eventually conquers his fears through love and is
permitted to move on to bigger and better things.
Just as Daniel used the power of love to conquer his fears which
held him back, we too must love ourselves enough to stare our demons
in the face and remove their power over us. There is life after the
fear. There is understanding, self-acceptance and love after the
fear. There will still be trouble, heartache, misery and challenge,
but there will be less fear in our lives giving us more strength to
face whatever life throws our way.
Face the fear.
Thanks Chad for the great thoughts!
One thing that I have always felt to be important was to live life deliberately and passionately. I love Thoreau's Walden where he talks about living a deliberate life and not coming to the end of one's life only to discover that one had never truly lived. (Obviously, he said it much more eloquently.)
So when I read this I again had to pause and think - where am I now? Am I living a deliberate life of my own choosing and passion? Happily the answer is yes! I am. I am as happy as I have ever been. I love my little family and my dear friends. I have a job that I love with people that I really enjoy being around. I have a comfortable warm home with good food to eat and comfy clothes to wear. Are there daily frustrations and irritations - certainly - DC traffic alone is enough to make my hair turn grey; but overall this is the life I have chosen and I am happy with my choices.
And now for the bit that inspired my thinking...
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of
love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7
While serving my time for Mormonism as a missionary in Germany, I
would often spend a little time each day reading through the Luther
Bible in an attempt to understand the role of Christ and his
mission, not to mention reading the most correct translation of the
New Testament according to Joseph Smith. On one such occasion, I
came across a passage in 2 Timothy where Paul gives encouragement
and hope to the beleaguered Timothy. Paul's words gave me comfort
with a healthy dose of cognitive dissonance.
As I read the words, I saw that fear was not from God, yet as I
examined my missionary experiences, I saw that fear was always
present. The missionary program was fear based. My temple experience
and requirement to keep my temple covenants at all costs was driven
by fear. My experiences with mission authority were fear based. My
personal life, filled with regret and remorse for not doing and
being enough was fear based. Yet as quickly as I discovered that my
life was riddled with fear, my fear caused me to bury it deep down
inside of me again and ignore it as I had always done.
As I made my way out of Mormonism, I saw my old nemesis was always
present. I was afraid to see, I was afraid to investigate, I was
afraid of what my family and friends would do and think, and in some
ways I was afraid of myself.
I have not yet transcended fear in my life, but I do confront it
frequently, removing its power and hold over my mind and heart. For
those who still struggle on their road of discovery and self-
acceptance, distance yourself from the fear which holds you back.
Turn to friends and loved ones for strength and support if possible,
but move forward, removing more and more fear as you go. Once the
source of fear has been removed and the distance grows between you,
fear diminishes and its power lost.
One of my favorite films is Defending Your Life, written and
directed by another of my favorites, Albert Brooks. In this film,
we see the main character Daniel in his sojourn into the afterlife,
wherein he is required to make an accounting of sorts for his life's
experiences and decisions. The thrust of the defense is not based on
good or evil, but on how well he confronted his fears in life.
Failure to prove that he had conquered fear during his life would
require that he return to earth to repeat his earthly experiences
until he mastered his fears and could then be permitted to move on.
Without spoiling the film for those who have not seen it, suffice it
to say that Daniel eventually conquers his fears through love and is
permitted to move on to bigger and better things.
Just as Daniel used the power of love to conquer his fears which
held him back, we too must love ourselves enough to stare our demons
in the face and remove their power over us. There is life after the
fear. There is understanding, self-acceptance and love after the
fear. There will still be trouble, heartache, misery and challenge,
but there will be less fear in our lives giving us more strength to
face whatever life throws our way.
Face the fear.
Thanks Chad for the great thoughts!
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